Everyday!!! Yes, almost everyday, deep in my heart crying out for forgiveness. Crying out for the truth. It's hurt, TOTALLY HURT me inside. I have no one to turn to, I have no where to go to but I try to be strong. I put a smile when I'm about to cry, I give myself a joke whenever I feel down because me myself is the only strength I have right now. Yes, God is there with me, watching me and never will He leave me. Because the strength that I have right now was actually belong to Him. Without Him, I might no longer around. I might give up easily in my life and I might put a very wrong decision in my life.
Everyday, I make jokes and I laugh around because of 1 reason. There's no other reason than seeing others happy. Yes, I really wanted to see those people around me smile and laugh happily without any concern. Some people thought I am selfish. For no reason they accused me & some even cursed me. Sometimes I get confused. Should I be good or should I be mean?? To tell the truth, I don't know what's the meaning of happiness??
I'm not a perfect one to get all the compliments but how i wish one day, God help me to open their eyes and accept me as the way I am. As far as i'm concern, i don't want to be my own enemy. And one day, i wish i can run as far as i could from all these people and situations. The scars will remain although i try to accept and swallow all the sadness slowly. I might not cry in front of you, but deep inside my heart, it's completely bleeding. Y_Y
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